Hello World!

Originally written on February 27, 2011 at 3:15am (Labor Bed)

Thought for the day: Do I really want to end up as a nurse for the rest of my life?

Everybody encountered this question as a kid-- What do you want to be when you grow up? Innocently answering this question as kids, we say the first thing that comes into our minds. As for me, I wanted to become a doctor. Fast tracking through my high school years, it was time to pick a college course. I can bravely say that somewhat my mom brainwashed me to take up nursing. What can I do to escape this torment? Nursing that time was at its ultimate high. People who took up nursing thought that this brings home the big bucks (that is if they could ever get out of the country). Going back to the time when I was picking my college course, I stumbled to realize that I was undecided. At first I was unwilling to give in to the thought of taking the said course, but eventually caved in when I ran out of excuses not to do so. I am not blaming my mom for my choice because in the end I was the one who made the decision. She just wanted me to have a better chance in life. Oh, I forgot to mention that being a nurse was my mom's dream. Something about the white uniform and looking neat mesmerized her.

Nursing was ok to take, or so I think. This led me to take entrance exams of different colleges which offer the course and not to take seriously those which do not. I ended up studying the 4-year course in a university located along Aurora Boulevard. I think I did well while studying. I tried my best to pass and I did. I graduated rank 36 in my batch out of 300 plus students.

What I do not understand is after all the hardships that I have been through to finish this course, I am still undecided. I am currently working at a tertiary hospital as a delivery room nurse for more than a year now yet I do not feel happy. These past few days, all I was able to think about was "Is it still worth continuing?" Sure people would say that I am the lucky one for I did not wait long to acquire a job which almost everyone I know wants. Since the nursing boom here in my country, nursing jobs became scarce. Nurses resort to do volunteer work in hospitals just to fill in the gap of possibly waiting for a very long time to get a staff nurse job. This entails having to pay hospitals to allow the nurses to enhance their skills. Ironically, they are not being paid a single cent. Fortunately, I was not able to experience this firsthand. But to those who did, I feel for their pain and suffering. With these thoughts in mind, am I supposed to be really thankful about having this job or put it on luck's account? Why do I feel this career path is taking me nowhere? Is it because I just took it for the sake of finishing something for college? These are just some of the questions that linger in my mind every time I see myself doing nothing. Hopefully by getting enough sleep and rest (since I am writing this stuff at around 3 in the morning and on the night bracket duty) I will be able to get some real answers.