Nasty People: Hate Them or Understand Them?

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From time to time, I get unreasonable patients. Most of the time you don't want them to even turn up in the workplace. But, the devil knows when to taunt people and fuel the hate fire. Since I have been working in Australia for more than 3 years already, I have come across different races and what I do find is Filipinos are the most abusive race towards me. Sometimes I just attribute this to being a Filipino as well, thinking that they just know how to push my buttons and attacking me on a personal level not on a professional level. But, one person told me, those people who are abusive towards other people need to see psychologist. Most of them are apparently mentally ill. 

I now come at a crossroads where in you just try to understand those people because, apparently, you are more rational than them, or to an extent hate them. At the end of the day, I always choose to let go and move on from the situation. I try to imbibe my boss' attitude of just letting it go and not thinking about it. 

Take away from the tragedy:

Learn to let go.  It takes great amount of energy to just let the incident slip out of my memory. Why? I have a very good memory. I replay the scenario over and over again in my head thinking if I could have done something at the time, or what I would have said during the verbal rant. I mostly just get upset with it, then I talk to other people about it. By talking to other people about the incident, it helps me debrief and acknowledge that I cannot do anything anymore since the situation is finished. What I find most effective is prayer. I lift up to God all the hurtful words that they have said and also pray for the person. Never underestimate the power of prayers. And finally, I take deep breaths whenever I suddenly think of the stressful situation. Deep breathing calms me down and it makes me become more devoid of emotion. 

They are not really angry at you, they are angry about something else. I have seen an episode of Super Girl where in Cat Grant was advising Kara about Kara's outbursts. Cat said, "You are not really angry at me. Find the anger behind the anger." Well I would definitely not find the anger behind the anger for my patients as I am not a psychologist, but I can just attribute their outburst as being angry at something else. I was just at the wrong place at the wrong time and became a victim to the abuse. Plus most of the time, when you hear what they are really saying, their anger comes from fear of something that they do not have any control of. 

Stand up for yourself but stay calm and respectful. Remember, there would be no abuser if there is no victim. You have to speak up and let the abuser know you are being abused. Chances are, they do not realize it themselves if they are becoming out of hand. Usually, this technique works and the people normally calm down and apologize. But, this takes practice and a lot of self-control. 

Finally, hate the behavior not the person. Most of the time, our emotions get in the way of moving on from from a tragedy. By carefully identifying what was wrong with the situation, you can be devoid of emotion. 

Note to self: You are also human, so it is okay to cry if needed be. You can be hurt and upset because you may have not been able to defend yourself or you did not really do anything wrong. But, as difficult as letting go sounds, that's the only thing left to do. It takes practice and it takes almost all of you to do this. And remember, if you are having issues like this all the time at work, inform your boss.